Don't Stand So Close, You'll Be Blinded by the Light

Officially, if I bore you, too bad.
I wasn't put on this earth to amuse you. I don't know why things are the way they are, but I know that they aren't aligned for your comfort because you're irritating. Fuck worrying about THAT!

For the rest of you, c'mon baby, c'mon.
The only thing I do well is fall apart.

So, I'm kind of going insane. I think part of this is due to the fact that I look at the Facebook and think about High School and I totally fucking romanticize it as if I really spent four years in Disneyland. It's difficult to keep it in perspective because currently I'm off my rocker and deeply emotionally disturbed because I have no time to relax, I'm not eating right, I'm restless and basically everyone wants to fuck me. Everyone but Victor Noir whose statue I can only electronically rub for luck, but that's another story.
So, in some ways, that was a cakewalk next to this sideshow of excruciating mental, physical and deep psychic torture. However, it still sucked. It was probably relatively close in terms of suckitude. And I can look at those entries and know the ache and know the tragedy and the bad turns, with the sage eyes of someone who is what, three years away from it?

So, why now...do I have regrets about it...or maybe not regrets, but just this final, deeply scary sense that we're all not even going to be tied by being in college soon and then it's almost like that door, too, is locked.

My life is just one of those bits in the video game, you have to keep jumping or the big stone block will push you into the spiked pit. Or something. I try to make apt analogies.

I miss just having time to whine like this.

The Facebook, anyway, is bizarre, because you can look at people you looked at in high school and you still can't befriend them because you couldn't have befriended them in High School. You can look at their faces and think, I wonder what they're doing. But if you try and find out, suddenly, you feel like you're a frigging stalker.

A dumb thing: I am going home away from college to get trashed. Because it would be too burdensome to lose my shit and too boring up here. I'd probably break my foot off on something in this room.

Someone who loves me should send me an oil burner.

HICCUPS HURT.

Yeah, this is what my aresteias look like and I have LOTS!