Landslide
So! I'm trying to collect myself and not freak myself out and be the awesome, powerful, charming, elegant superheroine that I am. It's hard when I'm also a super klutz and the biggest worry-wart ever.
My mom was here helping me set up and she was awesome. She was so helpful and so good and kind and motherly in the right amounts and encouraged me to be good and do good and how fun it'll be and we talked and relaxed and she helped me get my stuff together. It was great, having someone listen to me and care about me and not be frustrated or anything the way she can be at times. She was so focused on me and my success and comfort. I think I want to remember that for the rest of both our lives.
God, does Stevie Nicks have a song for every moment in my life?
Landslide.
If only I hadn't smashed my lamp just a few hours after getting off of my new job and my new bus route and if I hadn't have cut my foot and gotten scared...but of course, I did. So I got worried about it getting infected when I only have anti-bacterial soap here and no bandaids and it was bleeding and I couldn't call home or get online and I was honestly grouchy about this whole having to be on my own thing. I was pissy about how scary it was and how none of my friends were here and no one understood me and it's such a fucking bullshit excuse to just drift off into oblivion.
So, A. Yes, I will be alone till Friday. Two days away. But, I have 4 hours of work every day with people and that's a whole entry to itself which I'll try and do later tomorrow. And I can go to the student center early with a book if I don't want to be alone here.
B. The TV doesn't work perfectly. That's okay. It can just be background noise. You can only watch so many The People's Courts anyway.
C. There are strange noises and things going on. But it's okay because I am living next to other people and on a street. There's going to be noise. If it's TRES bizarre, I can get up and check it out.
D. The lock works. Period. All of them do and nobody has any business with me here.
E. There's a kind of hot, LOTR fanatical guy at my work.
F. I have enough money for food.
G. I can do yoga and work all this stress out in the mornings.
H. I have Fleetwood Mac to help me calm down.
I. My foot doesn't APPEAR to be falling off only BOTH of them hurt from the floors at my job and standing on them for 4 hours straight.
J. I could, potentially, if I got over this excuse of being scared and in a new place and needing, deserving my right to completely slack off...really work hard on my writing now. And reading and just relax my coiled spine.
K. I have the internet now and can talk to my sister whenever she's on.
L. I DON'T have to deal with my little sister barking at me, calling me names, or being embarrassing and oversexed.
M. I only have two real days to tart around, smirk in the mirror, pee with the door open, drink out of the carton, and then I have to haul the campy, vampy horse back in the barn.
N. I have AIR CONDITIONING.
O. I figured out the bus even when it didn't come on time. I made it where I needed to be.
P. I stayed pretty low-carb these few days. I'm really interested in working on that but I'm not going to be ANGRY at myself if I mess up.
Q. I can give myself leeway without letting myself get paranoid, spastic, nervous, disturbed, overwhelmed.
R. I have a phone line.
S. They have a security team driving around in little golf carts checking on my building.
T. These few days are going to be the springboard for the rest of the semester, so what's it gonna be...punk?
I ran out of letters. Oh well.
